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Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner, they take actions that push their partner away.
Even though anxiously attached individuals act desperate or insecure, more often than not, their behavior exacerbates their own fears.
Their relationship tends to be honest, open and equal, with both people feeling independent, yet loving toward each other.
Securely attached couples don’t tend to engage in what my father, psychologist Robert Firestone, describes as a “Fantasy Bond,” an illusion of connection that provides a false sense of safety.
Instead of feeling real love or trust toward their partner, they often feel emotional hunger.
They’re frequently looking to their partner to rescue or complete them.
When they feel unsure of their partner’s feelings and unsafe in their relationship, they often become clingy, demanding or possessive toward their partner.
They tend to be mixed up or unpredictable in their moods.Phillip Shaver on “Secure and Insecure Love: An Attachment Perspective.”You can start to identify your own attachment style by getting to know the four patterns of attachment in adults and learning how they commonly affect couples in their relating.Secure Attachment – Securely attached adults tend to be more satisfied in their relationships.Secure adults offer support when their partner feels distressed.
They also go to their partner for comfort when they themselves feel troubled.
An attachment pattern is established in early childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood.